By virtue of this being a blog, everyone has anonymous names. If you’ve missed their first appearances, here’s a guide to who’s who.
Eerily Cheerily – also known as EC
- Moi. Author of this blog. Mental lesbian young widow, British, sarcastic, bipolar, likes wine. Widowed in my twenties and traumatised.
Wife – also known as Woman
- My wife. Vibrant, exceedingly intelligent, bossy, ridiculous lesbian wasted on accountancy, with fantastic hair. Died tragically by suicide in her twenties.
- My best friend widow by virtue of being a) the first young widow I met and b) also a fan of wine. Yank living in London with a huge heart, multiple pairs of stilettos and a similar #powerwidow outlook. Similarly shit in laws to mine. Fond of swear words and winking.
- As it says on the tin. Ambitious, ridiculously smart, in her twenties, discrete. Went to university with Wife/Woman. I went to university with her late partner.
Boy Widower – also known as BW
- Hot, cocky, a real man, widowed in his twenties. I accidentally ended up kissing him lots when we first met. Has a topless picture of me. Now just friends. Phew.
Stripper Friendly Gin Drinker – also known as SFGD
- My only remaining friend of Wife’s. Arty, edgy writer and university peer. The last person to see Wife alive.
Mr Man Bun
- My gay bestie. Has a man bun. Went mental with me in Vegas
Non-girlfriend / Client #2
- Cocky, confident introvert who, loves dogs and musicals like me, and puts up with far more of my shit than she should do. The one that I want.
Assorted Tinder Girls – abbreviated to TG followed by a number relating to order of appearance in my life. Thus far:
- TG#1 – first Tinder date, deceived me with good spelling, hopeless talker, pansexual, excited by her pet love birds.
- TG#2 – Irish hottie lesbian who I had sex with and from whom I managed to get away by simply ignoring her texts after a while.
- TG#3 – edgy blonde boxer from Brighton who, despite choosing a chain Mexican restaurant for our first date, turned out to be witty, articulate and an excellent kisser.
- TG#4 – gorgeous Londoner with a passion for politics, social justice and bridging the gap between rich and poor. At one point referred to as Future Wife. Has been relegated. I came out as a widow and she went AWOL. The one that got away…
- TG#5 – grew up in a cult and didn’t know the Lion King songs.
- TG#6 – barrister with boobs and a very impressive wardrobe. Workaholic and noisy in bed. Ditched her because I fell for non-girlfriend.