LGBT / Love life

Using a lesbian escort agency

How’s that for a search term that’ll lead people to my humble little widow blog? Accidental readers seem to be regularly searching things like ‘want to fuck a widow’ and ‘boy fucks widow’ so I’m going to assume ‘widow lesbian escort agency’ isn’t miles off from some of the stuff that people hunt for.

The Telegraph this week featured an article about the women who run, and the women who use lesbian escort agencies. Read it here. Don’t worry – it’s suitable for reading in the office and isn’t going to be flagged as pornographic.  It got me thinking.Firstly, I thought ‘Why didn’t I have this business idea before?’. Second, I considered, ‘Would I pay for sex?’ Yes, I think I would. Shock horror.

There’s an array of reasons why women use lesbian escort agencies but one of the most common is that they want to explore those girl-on-girl fantasies they’ve had. It’s a secret little test – are they really gay or bi-sexual? Does having a woman go down on you live up to the wet dreams? You’ll never know unless you try. I guess, it’s discrete, there’s no morning after faff of running down the road to the Turkish corner shop to buy soya milk (I seem to have a penchant for vegan and lactose-intolerant lesbians), and it’s harder to get emotionally attached. She won’t have to stop half way through and ask if you’ve got nail clippers and a nail file, or apologise for not having waxed.  There’s also the avoidance of three years’ worth of awkwardness in chamber choir, stuck in the alto section with the girl with whom you got drunk and lost your lesbian virginity to in a Roman convent (true story).

The thing is, I don’t need to explore my sexual orientation. I know I’m a massive lady lover. I’ve tested it hundreds of times (please note, not hundreds of women – hundreds of times). So why might I consider using an agency? Sheer sex starvation. Although my wife and I didn’t have masses of sex (lesbian bed death after five years), I miss it and seem to have a ridiculous appetite now that she’s gone. Do you know how hard it is finding hot lipstick lesbians in London? I think I’ve met them all; they are all either coupled, psycho, bad in bed or, in the case of my wife, dead. Great. I don’t want to settle for ugly. Am I a bitch for saying that? Yes. Could I buy a hot woman and go and have sex in a deluxe suite at the Savoy? Yes.

But at £250 per hour just for the woman, never mind the hotel, hiring a lesbian escort just isn’t a possibility for this twenty-something widow living in one of the most expensive cities in the. Besides, going on a date is far cheaper. Even three dates altogether are far cheaper and after three dates, you’re more than likely to bag some sexy times. It’s just as well I’m heading off to go on date number four with Tinder Girl #5…

So maybe this time, I’ll pass on the escort agency and save my pennies for the prosecco.

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5 thoughts on “Using a lesbian escort agency

  1. You just want to feel close to someone…you will find that…after my divorce I think I would have paid for a male escort…It’s better than making bad choices…which I did….best of luck on date #5!

    Like

    • On your stats or admin page, you can scroll to the search engine section and see what terms people use. Goggle don’t disclose this info but many other search engines do. Weirdos. but then also some really lovely things too like ‘I’m a widow and need inspiration’. That’s a nice thing to be associated with!

      Liked by 1 person

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