Grief / LGBT / Moan

A list of unanswered questions for my wife

Unlike many married couples, wife and I were only together for 5 and a half years.  This does not in any way diminish our love for one another, or the pain I’ve felt from losing her.  It does, however, mean that I still hadn’t heard all of her stories, or learned everything I should have from her. Questions I want to ask her range from the mundane to the profound.  It’s only since she died that I realised there was so much more for me to know and a lot I’d been too scared to ask.  Worse still, it was only after she died that I discovered she’d been keeping so many things from me, the love of her life. 

So, darling wife, I’d like to know please:

  • How the fuck do I work the timer on the boiler? I know it’s supposed to come on automatically during the night and we’re not supposed to double blast it, or something like that, but can you help please because the hot water tends to run out when I’m three quarters of the way through shaving my legs.
  • Should I fix my mortgage? I’m not too sure what the economy’s going to do, but then what if I decide to sell the house – is there a fee or something for transferring?  Can you talk to the bank, please?
  • Which leg of yours had the scar on it? I know it bothered you and you felt self conscious in a skirt, but I barely even registered it because you are so beautiful and sexy to me.
  • Do you know where the Pitch Perfect DVD is?
  • What was your most embarrassing moment?
  • Who was your favourite teacher?
  • Which holiday was your favourite holiday? Why was it your favourite?
  • Why was it so hard for you to talk about being gay with your parents? Why did we have to pretend to sleep in separate beds whenever we went to visit them? Don’t you know that they knew?
  • Why did you not kiss me properly on our wedding day? Twice. It wasn’t a mistake. Is it because of your family?
  • What happened to you to make it so hard for you to have sex with me? Who was it that fucked you up? I never asked but I know you’d never have told me.
  • Why did you opt for the treatment that made you infertile without discussing it with me?
  • Why did you stop taking your anti-depressants and why did you lie about it?
  • Did you really want to fuck me over? Did you hate me in the end?
  • Why did you kill yourself? Why? Why? WHY?
  • Will I see you in heaven?

Your loving wife x

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6 thoughts on “A list of unanswered questions for my wife

  1. There’s stuff I really want to know from Michelle, too. Like: what was your rebellion phase like? Was there a faith component to that? What things did your parents do that made you crazy, and why? I think you drifted from the church – what brought you back? Have you been watching my sad attempts to date? Are you laughing or sad?

    Take care G,
    Rob T

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is great! I find myself asking my husband things like where is the tape measure? and why did you put the nails here? Silly little things, that lead to major questions, like WHY?

    Like

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