Love life

I just had sex, but not with my wife

I rarely talk about sex in real life, apart from when I’m having it. Thank God for a blog.

Lesbian Non-Widow (also known as TG#2) continues not to be horrified at the whole widowed shizzle. My therapist says I shouldn’t be amazed that I’m desirable.  I don’t know.  I cooked LNW/TG#2 dinner last night, we chatted, I pounced and we retired to my bed, eventually falling asleep in one another’s arms, exhausted from romping for 2 hours.  I’ll admit to being disappointed that she wasn’t wearing matching underwear.  I’ll confess to knowing absolutely nothing about dating etiquette but I do believe that the third date is faaaaaaaaaaar too early to start being lazy.

After wife died, I swiftly embarked on a messy relationship with a super hot former friend of my wife’s.  Mistake.  Live and learn.  This happens to quite a few widows and widowers.  Ex adored me but detested seeing pictures of wife in my home.  I’d have to sneakily put them away before she visited and slip off my wedding rings.  I eventually had the guts to break up with her because, despite the best sex of my life and the comfort I felt of being held, I simply couldn’t be with someone who was permanently jealous of a dead person and couldn’t understand griefblasts. She is a doctor and wanted to fix me but those who haven’t lost someone close to them before just don’t get it – it’s not possible to fix my grief because I’m not broken. No pills, no treatments, just a gradual adjustment to life without my loved one.

I met my wife at university when I was 21 and she was 20. A blind date, although I’d already facestalked her and knew she had ridiculous, distinctive blonde hair.  God, I miss that woman’s hair and how soft it was. I knew straight away there was something special between us and was instantly grateful that my housemates forced me to get back in the bath and shave my legs in advance.  From her ogling my boobs, I could tell wife wanted in my knickers (also carefully selected lacey ones). It was a simple date – a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon whilst sitting closely on an uncomfortable sofa in a bar, a swift text to the housemates to tell them it wasn’t necessary to pull the phone call trick of “my grandma’s been taken ill. I need to go,” followed by a short stroll back in the direction of our colleges.  With a swift casual mention that I had another bottle of white in the fridge (not potato waffles like TG#2) I lured the beautiful woman who was to become my wife five years later back to my bedroom, my little university single bed, and served her wine out of a Disney mug. She brushed her teeth with my toothbrush.  Classy. It was slow.  It was passionate.  It was intimate. I kicked her in the face.  She still kept seeing me. She had a bruise.

The 17th of February would have been the 7th anniversary of our meeting.  I’m bracing myself for the griefblast. I can’t believe it’s been so long since our first kiss (and fuck).

In the mean time, let’s have a little bit of fun and distraction.  Whatever keeps me going… Am I whoring myself out? Possibly.  Will I hurt LNW/TG#2’s feelings?  Likely, yes. I’ll tread as carefully as my little widow brain can and document it here – I promise.


6 thoughts on “I just had sex, but not with my wife

  1. You have no idea how much that resonated with me. I just ended a year and a half relationship because he didn’t understand that just because I’m in love with a dead guy – didn’t mean I couldn’t be in love with him, too. He was jealous. He wanted me happy and did NOT want to comfort me when I got hit with waves of grief.

    Dating sucks. Dating as a widow sucks. But sex and cuddling is awesome.


  2. “I lured the beautiful woman who was to become my wife five years later back to my bedroom, my little university single bed, and served her wine out of a Disney mug.”

    It’s these little things that make relationships beautiful. Those little memories that you’ll hold forever.

    I’m so sorry you lost her, but I’m so glad you got seven years with her. It’s going to be a long process for you (and me with my tragedy, too), but we’re all in it together. Sending you hugs on this Valentine’s Day.


  3. Pingback: Four alternative careers for a lesbian widow | Eerily Cheerily

  4. Pingback: Do we need lesbian widow role models? | Eerily Cheerily

  5. Pingback: Things people search for to find this widow blog | Eerily Cheerily

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s