We all have sex on the brain, right? But with lesbians, we’re usually quite subtle and flirty with one another before launching in with the sex related messages. Long, drawn out teasing. Sensual language. You know when your school English teacher is explaining how it’s important for your writing to flow, the tone to be consistent, and for each paragraph to have appropriate “linking words” so that your writing isn’t totally disjointed? This does not seem to be a lesson in which Boy Widower participated. If you’re prudish, don’t read this!
Here is what happened yesterday via message. BW is Boy Widower. EC is me. [I write the thoughts going through my head at the time in italics.]
BW: How’s work? [sensible nice conversation for an afternoon, thank you.]
EC: Really difficult :-(. Got widow brain. I’ve been working on the same piece for two and a half days. Normally could have blitzed it in an afternoon. [Give me sympathy]
BW: Can I help in any way? [isn’t that sweet?]
EC: Unless you know anything about the upcoming data protection EU directive, then no. You could tidy my desk for me? [I’m just being silly.]
BW: I’d love to tidy your desk. Don’t know much about EU directive. [I don’t think you know ANYTHING about the EU directive to which I’m referring. I don’t think you even know there is more than one EU directive.]
EC: Mm hmm [I’m sceptical.]
BW: But can tidy desk [I like that he’s silly.]
EC: It’s a bomb site.
BW. Really. Shall we call Scotland Yard [this is literally the shittest joke I’ve heard in months and you should have used two question marks.]
EC: You’re full of words today. [your joke is shit.]
BW: Prefer pictures. Paints a 1000 words [this is because I sent you a bloody topless picture when drunk, you horny man.]
[EC sends picture of messy paper covered desk]
EC: Just one chunk of desk. Multiply that by six. And add in another ten lip glosses or so
BW: Can we have sex on the desk first then I’ll tidy it 😉 [Woah. That was quick. But uh oh. I’m getting a little tingle between my legs.]
EC: I’d like that. IT and Risk and compliance department would not…[ok so I’ll tease a bit. It’s Thursday after all.]
BW: Haha. Worth the risk?? I love doggy style [oh my God, oh my God, what do I say?]
EC: Not in this firm.
EC still: That’s fortunate [screw it. Let’s tease even though it’s 4pm and I’m at my desk eating the remains of my falafel wrap from Pret a Manger.]
BW: U like it too? Except you will have a real cock in you 😉 [Oh my God. I hate that word. I’m allergic to penises. I’ve only used dildos and even that’s a stretch! Literally. Am I going to have to get used to this?! What if his fingers are too big too?! Ahhhhhhh]
EC: It’s pretty much the only way I can orgasm from penetrative sex [I might as well tell him the truth. He knows I want sex anyway, meh.]
BW: Fuck!! Then we’re going to have a good time lol. You’ll have to direct my tongue a bit though. [He’s using indicative present tense and future tense, not conditional tense. Oh God, this is actually going to be happening. At least he’s pretending to be vaguely interested in doing more than getting his cock (there is it again) in me!]
EC: Don’t worry, I will. Now shush. I have therapy in a few mins and I can’t be sitting there all turned on and distracted, [Well, this is actually true. Thank God I can get out of this conversation]